


I'm a mess.

by sourbunnywolf



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alive Allison, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst to Fluff, Banshee Lydia Martin, Comfort, Comfort/Angst, Denial of Feelings, Derek Hale & Lydia Martin Friendship, Derek Hale & Stiles Stilinski Friendship, Eventual Stiles/Lydia, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Implied Consensual Underage Sex, Insomnia, Lydia-centric, Male-Female Friendship, Nightmares, POV Lydia, Pack Cuddles, Pack Feels, Romantic Friendship, Slow Burn Lydia Martin/Stiles Stilinski, Unbeta'd, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-14
Updated: 2015-03-09
Packaged: 2018-02-17 10:13:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 19,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2306015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sourbunnywolf/pseuds/sourbunnywolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lydia Martin is plagued with nightmares, and refuses to ask for help, until a certain someone gives her a dose of reality; something she could use a bit of.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Having voices in your head was hard, every moment she was around her fellow peers at school was torturous. There were moments when she ccouldn't differentiate between the whispers, and people speaking to her. It took every ounce of her energy to shove those whispers into a box. But what was worse were the nightmares she had, the ones where boney fingers clawed at her limbs, trying to pull her down with them. They murmured sweet nothings into her ear, coaxing her to just give into them, she would rule over the dead like Persephone, she could be Queen again. Sometimes she was close to giving in, but then she remembered that she had reasons to live.

                                                                                                                  ~~~

As per usual, she had her perfectly applied mask on, only to cover the exhaustion from her visage. She didn't need nor want people commenting on her appearance, unless it was to compliment her outfit, or her footwear. Plus, it only happened for one night, maybe when she tried to sleep, it would go away. Perhaps the voices wouldn't bother her as much, or maybe she could just hold on to the hope enough so she could actually get some proper sleep; that almost made her laugh.

Even with her lack of sleep, she dominated the school, she was able to get through the workload with ease. Nothing could, or would hold Lydia Martin down, she could do anything, and she did, just to prove to herself that sleep wasn't something that could hinder her performance. She also wouldn't let the nightmares get to her, they were just dreams after all, they weren't real. Unfortunately though, the whispers calling her name seemed to follow her wherever she went, and were more pronounced in the quiet of the classroom. Thankfully, nobody had noticed anything, she was put together enough that it wasn't obvious, not that they would notice.

But Lydia questioned if they would actually notice, if they knew something wasn't right with her, because how many times did she pretend everything was peachy, when in actuality she was screaming herself awake, and the shadows slithered up the walls of her room? When the darkness was more of a friend to her, then the faces that surrounded her. She wanted to say something, however she was Lydia Martin, and she didn't reach out, or ask for help. She dealt with these things on her own, or ignored them until they went away. It was one of her very many talents.

                                                                                                                   ~~~

The second night wasn't any better, she slept, but a little less than the prior night. She tried with all her might to will the nightmares away, however it was no use; the dead were knocking on her door, and waiting for her to answer. Lydia sighed as she stared at her ceiling, remembering all the times she had horribles dreams, and then went to wedge in between her parents, or even her sister. Her sister always welcomed her, no matter what time it was, it was like she just knew what was going on, even when she didn’t. It was funny, she still wasn't too sure what was going on with her, but this time her sister wasn't around to slid her fingers through her hair, to put her to sleep. No, this time she had nobody to help her through the night, that was why she only relied on only herself. She could call Allison, except she was worried about waking her, or wondering if she was with Scott. She didn't want to bother her best friend, and that stubborn part of her was too proud to send a text to see if the brunette was awake.

Lydia sighed again while rolling over onto her side, maybe if she didn't look at her window, she wouldn’t picture a cloaked figure tapping against the glass, or Peter’s silhouette slowly making his way into her room, to crawl into her bed. It was his fault, it was always his fault, sometimes she wished she had the courage to go to the loft to demand that he help her, or to fix what he had broken. Lydia was broken, she felt broken, and didn't know how to put the pieces together. This thought caused her to laugh bitterly in the dark, she had been sewing her seams back together so often, that she wasn't even sure what was really her, and what was the pretty lies she lined herself with. She was a porcelain doll to the world by day, but at night, she cracked. She should become an actress, she was so good at pretending, maybe if things didn't go her way, she could do that. Lydia was already rich, she had money, so all she had to do was become famous.

                                                                                                                    ~~~

She had gotten a few looks, but everyone seemed to be too afraid to mention anything to her; she may not have claws, or glowing eyes but her tongue could cut like a knife. She was still put together though, however she was a little more irritable. Everyone knew that she was a little bit of a bitch, or what she'd like to think as people not being able to handle her.

“Lydia? You okay?”

The sound of Allison’s soft voice drifted over to her, she was one of the very few people who could see through her facade, and one of the few who she allowed to breach her walls. Lydia never expected to get this close to Allison, she was the new girl with a killer jacket, and she wanted her in her little group of people, because she had good taste. Now she couldn't see he life without this girl, they forged an iron clad bond. Allison was like her older sister, the one that she hadn't seen in forever, so she figured that she would be a good replacement. Not that she would ever think of Allison as that person, she was her own person, she was a strong warrior, however if her sister decided that she didn't wish to be in Lydia’s life, then she would find someone better, someone who would be there for her.

“I didn't sleep well. I'll be okay.”

“You sure?”

“Positive.”

“I'm here, okay? If you need me. Love you, Lydia.”

“Love you too, Ally.”

There was something in her best friend’s eyes that she couldn't quite place, it was like she was an old soul in such a young body. Allison knew more than she let on, however she wouldn't push Lydia until she was ready to talk. Too bad for her though, she may never be ready to say a word, so she gave Allison her best smile, then went on with the rest of the day like she hadn't been asked if she was okay, or had to ignore the looks that she was being given. And if Allison was suspecting her, she was sure that the rest of her friends would be close behind to ask how things were. She would plan, and have her lines prepared for when that happened. Her friends were too kind, to caring to want to question her, they would never do anything to harm her, or make her upset. 

At least that is what she tried to convince herself, she knew that Stiles would attempt to talk to her, try to get her to say what was wrong. He was never afraid to call her out, when the others wouldn't, he knew her better than anyone. That was something that frightened her, only because the person she really was, wasn't all that pretty or perfect.  She was a crumbling wall, the stone beginning to soften. It had only been two days, and she was already feeling the inky tendrils snaking up her ankles.

She just wanted it to end, wanted to sleep without the fear of something going bump in the night, or the darkness consuming her. Tonight, she would. She knew how to get what she wanted, she always did, no matter what happened. She was desperate for a night of peace, she couldn't take the all consuming fear that took over her frame the moment she lowered her lids. Or the sounds that her mind tricked her into thinking that she heard; if only she had the courage to go to Allison’s house, or get in contact with her, because just the sound of her best friend’s voice would soothe her. Allison always knew what to do when she didn’t have a clue, and she was more experienced with these types of things. This was supernatural, right? Would this be considered something that wasn’t natural? She had a feeling it did, considering how much of a freak she felt like, she wished she was that normal, naive girl again. The one that was with the hottest guy at school, the one that was the queen of the school, and had people cowering at the sound of her heels clicking down the hallway.

Unfortunately, the only person cowering now was her, under her blankets. She was the one who was whimpering, and making herself smaller than she already was, which made her furious. Lydia Martin wasn’t one to cower, or whimper. She made other people make those sounds.

Tomorrow would be a new day, and she would be damned if she didn’t take charge of it.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

It was like deja vu, Lydia was covering her face with foundation to hide the dark circles under her eyes, then applying eyeliner, and lip gloss. She had hoped putting on her armour helped, then nobody would begin to notice that she wasn’t exactly looking like herself. She didn’t have Jackson to tell her she looked like crap anymore, to make sure that she was at her best. That didn’t bother her any longer, Jackson wasn’t worthy of her, he left her alone to fend for herself.

She looked at her reflection to inspect her work, but as she stood there she had to stop the frustrated tears from forming. She still felt a little groggy from the sleeping pills she took last night before bed, and it was making her more sensitive. If she wasn’t who she was, she would stay home, and stay under the covers, however the thought of being in her house alone made her uneasy. She was still seeing things, as well as feeling things which she didn’t like too much. She knew why it was happening, she had figured it had to do with being connected to death, it was trying to pull her down to the darkest pits. She wondered what would happen if she gave in, would she die? Would everything be dark, would she start dressing black, and waving poetic about dark themes? There was nothing wrong with black, or those people who liked to read Edgar Allan Poe, but that wasn’t her. She liked to wear florals with colour, not only that she wasn’t too sure that it would suit it, perhaps with her complexion.

After smoothing her hand down the fabric of her skirt, she stood at her full height while telling herself that this would be a good day, things would go well for her. She was Lydia Martin, she didn’t let anything bother her.

When she got to school she strode down the hallway, her heels clicking against the floor as she made her way to her locker to get her things, and to check her make-up. Little did she know that her two friends were looking with worried eyes, their lips pressed together tightly in a line. Scott, and Allison had a conversation about her, and Allison hoped that maybe the Alpha would be able to get through to her. But Lydia didn’t really need help from anyone, this would go away just like most things in her life, this lack of sleep was probably due to the stress of school, the supernatural and being a banshee.

Lydia looked in the mirror, to make sure her mask was secured on her face, she didn’t want pity, nor did she want people asking if anything was wrong. She could deal with this on her own, and she was. She had the medication to help her sleep, even if it wasn’t the best of nights, she was still able to get a little bit more rest. She even tried to ignore that feeling she got when she knew people where looking at her, even if it was her friends, she still didn’t want them to come over to question her, unless it was to ask for her notes. Thankfully though, she was able to get away from the couple before they decided to stop huddling together, and gang up on her.

* * *

 Classes went by in a blur, there were moments when she almost fell asleep in her chair, but she managed somehow to keep her lids open. Maybe it was the whispering in her ear, or the sudden noises that startled her back awake, but when she found herself bored, because she already had figured the answer, or in English the students read too slow for her liking, she nodded off, only to hear a text book closing. She had this class with Allison, who of course kept her eye on her best friend to make sure that she really was okay, however she wasn't too sure how to get Lydia to talk to her. She needed a plan, she did tell Scott about her worries, however Scott always wanted to let people come to him, or didn't want to bother Lydia just yet. She seemed alright for the most part, however he didn't know Lydia the way that Allison did.

Lydia knew she was made of steel, that her heart was stone, that she didn't want to let people break down the walls surrounding her. Also, she was too stubborn to ask for help, so she went around school trying to act like that old girl she used to be. Obviously thought, there was only one person who could really get through to her, but he seemed to be watching, waiting. He wanted to pick that perfect moment to get Lydia alone, so she couldn't run away from him. First, he wanted to see what Scott would do, would he go to Lydia? Or would he let her fake being fine? 

“Lydia? Hey.”

It was lunch time, and Lydia was sitting with the group, who was watching her closely. She knew what was coming, that they would notice her appearance, then try to act like they cared, but really did they care, or were they just making sure that she wasn’t mad at them? She knew that this was a stupid this to think, that these people really did care for her, but she wanted to come up with an excuse not to confess her night terrors to them, she wanted to convince herself that they would go away, and everything would return back to normal, or as normal as they could be.

“Hey, Scott.”

“How are you?”

“I’m fine. How are you?”

“Good, not looking forward to lacrosse practice tonight.”

Was he trying to make small talk with her, she really wasn’t a fan of small talk, but she smiled at him anyway, glanced at her food then put a grape in her mouth while nodding at him. She knew what was coming next, and she was going to try as hard she could to make sure that didn’t happen, she wasn’t really in the mood to have a group therapy session, or have her friends stare at her like she was some kind of fragile flower. She could tell by the look in his eyes, like he was expecting her to say something more, yet she really didn’t have much to say, her brain wasn’t coming up with anything. She did want to answer though, so that the attention wouldn’t be on her, that was funny because she used to love having attention on her, she liked being the centre of discussion. Now however, all she wanted to do was be far away from these people so she didn’t have talk about anything that involved her sleeping habits.

“You’ll do great, Scott. You're one of the best.”

"Thank you."

The cute little smile Scott gave Lydia made her feel a little better, it was hard not to be happy around Scott, he was sweet to his friends, and it was hard not to feel good when in his presence, however it wasn’t that easy when things felt like they were following you, it made her feel crazy, and she really didn’t think Scott could help her in any way, so what was the point in telling him? She didn't think he could, but then her thoughts went to someone else.

Lydia felt odd, by now she knew that Stiles would have spoken up about something, or another but he was quietly eating his chicken nuggets, his gaze on her every so often. He continued to observe her, like she didn’t know considering she was very observant herself. She almost wanted to call him out, ask him why he kept looking at her, but not in the company of people that had super hearing. She was sure that he would come after her, sooner or later, asking her what was wrong with her, and why she was acting the way that she was. Or maybe she wouldn’t say a thing, maybe he’d be too busy with lacrosse practice to really say anything.

Part of her hoped that Stiles was going to be the one, but at the same time she was afraid that he would get it all out of her. She watched him for a moment, figuring him out, or at least trying. Stiles was the one who always figured it out, so what would happen when he did, if he hasn’t already?  Of course, she brushed the thought of that away when the bell rang, and she quickly made her way to the trash to throw out her food, then go to her locker to get her things. Now that lunch was over, she could continue pretending things were okay, as well as use class as a distraction. 


	3. Chapter 3

Getting out of bed was getting harder the more that time passed, all Lydia wished she could do was just stay in bed and sleep, but she had get up to go to school. She had to, because if she didn’t then people would take notice of her absence, however if she went to school, everyone would see the exhaustion that was evident on her features. Her body felt like there was lead in her veins, and her bed felt way more comfortable than usual. Coffee would help, an abundance of caffeine would keep her working throughout the day, except that she still didn’t move from under her blankets. Lydia pushed her face into her pillowed, and groaned, maybe if she told herself to get up, then she would. Maybe her body would listen to her brain, as it screamed at her to remove herself from the cocoon of warmth.

Lydia was fortunate, because her mother had already left for work so she didn’t have to worry about explaining to her why she was still in bed, and not getting ready for school. Which meant that she could stay put for five more minutes, she would just close her eyes, and she wasn’t afraid because the sun was out. Nothing would get her during the day, she was safe.

When she opened her eyes again, then looked over at the clock on her nightstand, her eyebrows knit and her mouth curved down into a frown; what was five minutes, turned into a few hours. It didn’t help though, she still felt tired, even more so before. Lydia told herself that taking a day to relax wasn’t too bad, she could easily catch up on what she missed tomorrow, yet she had that nagging feeling of missing school , she didn’t like doing it, except for the fact that she didn’t want to not only face her friends, but see the looks from the other students. Sometimes when you had the reputation of being a genius, people found it off when you didn’t attend school. Nobody batted an eye when Scott, and Stiles were absent, not that they weren’t smart, they just weren’t Lydia Martin smart.

Finally, after moving about in her bed, Lydia slowly got out of it. It may be a little later in the day, but the thought of coffee was what motivated her to make the trek downstairs to make it. That was probably the only reason she made it down there, without retreating back to her room to sleep more. God, all she wanted was to get this exhaustion to go away. She wasn’t even sure if these nightmares were the result of her banshee powers, or from her overactive imagination. Were the people in her dreams going to die? Was she going to constantly wake up screaming every night? Why hadn’t the werewolves checking in on her? These were the thoughts that plagued her mind whilst she made her drink.

It was as if her body worked without her really thinking about it, she was like a robot that pushed buttons, added what she liked to the coffee, then sat down in the spot she usually frequented when she had her morning coffee. Her fingers wrapped around the warm mug as she sat there and stared down , sometimes her eyes would squeeze shut, like that would make the tiredness stop, or the heavy feeling would dissipate. It didn’t do a thing, just reminded her of how horrible she felt. Now she was tempted to put her head down on the counter, and just stop. Stop moving, stop thinking, stop everything that was currently going on, even if it was nothing. All she was doing was sitting, but even that was too much for her.

Every so often she would let out a heavy sigh, rub her hands down her face, then continue to sip her coffee, she wanted to pretend that nothing was wrong with her, she felt like explaining why she was the way she was, would be irritating to her. She didn’t think they would understand, nobody knew anything about her abilities, so what really was the point of talking about her lack of sleep? This was another constant thing that she mused over, she was aware that her friends cared about her, however she was so used to ignoring, or pretending something wasn’t happening. It was what her family did, her mother constantly acting like everything was fine, that anything she did was okay with her. She hardly cared about the string of guys she brought home, she didn’t even ask when Jackson left, even though that had been a big part of her life.

But now, things had gotten worse, and her mother was usually out, or at work. Not that she would ask Lydia if anything was wrong, she was too busy bickering with her father, and her father was too busy trying to make up for being absent. That was why she had a closet full of designer things, and a car at sixteen;  it was her father’s way of showing his love. Perhaps this was why she wasn’t really good at making friends, or keeping them. That, and her older sister telling her about high school being a horrible place, especially for smart people like her, so she dumbed herself down, made sure to get the hottest guy in school, and strived to be nothing but perfect.

That really didn’t get her very far, she just ended up with headaches when she got home, and she read to pass the time, so she could stimulate her brain.  Now however, her brain felt like mush, it was not a good feeling to have. Lydia hoped that staying home from school would help her be fresh and alert for tomorrow, she’d be back to her old regular self, and things would run smoothly. Once again, she could just use the excuse of not sleeping well, due to some random test in another class for the reason behind why she wasn’t sleep well. She stayed up to study; not that she really had to, but they wouldn’t question that.

Lydia wasn’t sure how long she sat drinking her coffee but soon enough there was a knock on her door. She didn’t bother getting up to go get it, since she was too tired to go, and she didn’t really feel like dealing with her friends. She assumed it was one of them, because not many other people visited the house during the day. Maybe it was Scott, he would be the easiest to avoid, he wouldn’t want to bother her, however at the same time he would want to make sure she was okay. If she wasn’t home though, then he would just leave, or send her a text to mention that he came over to see how she was doing. I guess there were certain times when these moments were odd for her, she didn’t think that anyone would bother to check up on her. Pinching the bridge of her nose while closing her eyes, she stilled her frame as much as she was capable of. If she made any noises, then Scott would know exactly what she was doing.

Part of her hoped that it was Allison, she was human, and wouldn’t hear her, although she might know her well enough to know that she wasn’t coming to the door on purpose, or she was out somewhere shopping. She also left her phone upstairs, so it wasn’t like she saw any of the text her friends may, or may not have sent her. Oh well, they would see her tomorrow at school, or they could come back another time, except the knocking got a little more louder. Lydia sighed softly, as her fingers went through her tousled locks, the only person she could think of that wouldn’t go away was Stiles, and he was the last person she wanted to see. Not because she didn’t like him, it was because he would know right away that there was something more than what she told. He saw right through her mask, and would call her out for hiding.

She did want to go to him, there was some piece of her that wanted to take comfort in the spastic boy, he would know what to do, except she stayed in place, hoping and praying that the person at the door would go away. Finally, after a few moments the knocking stopped, and she took the opportunity to go back to her bedroom. Of course, before doing so she washed her mug, even as tired as she was, she didn’t want her mother to get upset at her for not cleaning up after herself.  She wondered if she should take something to keep her awake, or something to sleep. She did have the coffee, but would that be enough to get her through the rest of the day?

She guessed that maybe it wouldn’t matter much, because the thought of sleeping at night time frightened her enough to not want it to happen, although she may have to force herself. She did want to make it to school the next day, if she could pull herself out of bed and not let anything stop her. Why was she allowing a few nightmares stop her? She had to keep telling herself this so she would feel better, keep telling her that she was Lydia Martin.

3:57pm; _“Hey, Lyds? You weren’t at school, missed you. Hope you’re okay. Love you.”_

3:59pm; _“Lydia, Allison is worried about you, and so am I. I hope you’re okay, please text her, or me to let us know. ”_

4:02pm; _“Lydia, I’m coming over. I know something is up.”_

Lydia look at the screen of her phone with a sigh, her friends had texted her to make sure she was okay, so she was aware that they knew, or were suspicious at least. Now she knew that Stiles was the one who knocked on her door, which surprised her, because she figured he would make a bigger deal out of trying to get it. Maybe he would try tomorrow, or some other day to get to her, maybe when she wasn’t able to get away. He was awfully good at finding her when she was vulnerable, and unable to really get away.

4:14pm; _“Lydia, why didn’t you let me in? I know you’re home_.”

4:15pm; _“Seriously? At least talk to Allison, she’s worried sick.”_

4:16pm; _“Please call one of us, Lydia. Please.”_

It was strange how those last few texts from Stiles made her feel, like a warmth was spreading in her chest, but she ignored it, as well as the texts. Instead of responding to any of them, she put the mobile device on her nightstand, and then plopped on her bed to possibly nap, or just lie there until it was time to either pop some pills, or stay up all night to nap when the sun came up.

 


	4. Chapter 4

_“He’s dying, you know. And it’s all your fault.”_

_Her hands were covered in a substance, her throat constricted to push down the scream that was threatening to come out of her, and when she looked down at her fingers, the crimson was stark against her pale flesh. Lydia didn’t know what was happening, but it didn’t feel like it was good, there was a darkness swirling around her, and she could taste the death on her tongue. She looked around to see that she was standing in a graveyard with bodies littered around her, some were new, and some were old. The new ones’ faces were blurred, which peaked her curiosity. Who were these people? Did she know them, are they people that will die in the future? But those words, they drifted around her in a menacing tone, tickling the curling strands of hair near her ear._

_She had no clue who they were speaking about, however when she moved to see, she saw some very familiar faces near her. That was probably why she had blood on her hands, someone had died and she tried to help, but the more she moved forward, the more she realized that was incorrect. She saw the face of her best friend, at first she thought that perhaps she was sleeping, except when she tried to shake her, she didn’t open her eyes._

_“Allison?”_

_Lydia heard her voice come out in a frightened whisper, and she shook her friend more, as if that would help bring her back. Maybe there was a way she could? Or the fact that she could be sleeping deeply, but she didn’t think Allison was capable of that. She was a hunter, she was alert, even when she was slumbering. She then heard herself begging for her best friends to wake up, all she wanted was to see the comfort of her eyes, and the brightness of her smile, but there was was that darkness that surrounded her. She thought that maybe Scott would be there, that he could help her but where was he? Lydia figured that he would be nearby mourning the love of his life. he wasn’t though, it seemed that he was also lying on the ground close to Allison’s body._

_His eyes were also closed in the same way that Allison’s were, and if Lydia tried, he probably wouldn’t wake up either. She felt her heart constricting in her chest, as the tears filled her eyes. If her two closest friends were like this, then where were the rest of the pack? Was Derek, Isaac, and the rest of them gone too? Derek always had a way of surviving, even when everyone thought he was dead, he found his way back to them. And regardless of the fact that she didn’t get along with some of Derek’s pack, it didn’t mean she wished for them to die. Of course, there was that one person she didn’t want to think about, so perhaps they weren’t here, maybe they were safe, and sound. She didn’t think she would take it, if she found them among the bodies._

_“He’s dying, Lydia. And it’s all your fault.”_

_The voice once again whispered in her ear, then laughed. It sounded like her own voice, but darker, harsher. It scared her to know that this was a part of her, it felt like something she could become if she let it happen. There was a sound behind her, and she turned toward it, only to see a hand with long, tapered fingers waving. Was it…? It couldn’t be, but before she could stop herself, she was back where she started, staring down at the soulful amber eyes of the boy she had come to deeply care about._

_“Why, Lyds? I thought...I thought you cared about us.”_

_As Stiles spoke, a trail of blood made a path down his cheek, matching the liquid on her hands. Did she do this? Was this all her fault? Her eyes moved down his body to see a dark patch staining his shirt, how did she not notice Stiles lying here before. This was someone who made an impact on her life, he had brought her out of herself, and this was how he repaid him? Lydia bent down, and put Stiles’ head in her lap then glanced down at him, all she wanted to do was wrap her arms around him, and tell him that she would save him. He couldn’t leave her now, not when everyone was...she couldn’t even think about it, she didn’t want to. The whispering was around her, taunting her, continuing to blame her for the casualties, it hissed that she was a banshee, a bringer of death. You may predict this deaths, but you can also give in, and create them._

_She begged Stiles to stay with her, that she didn’t mean to do this, and she had to tell him something. She wasn’t ready however, or the words wouldn’t come out. She wanted to tell him, but nothing happened. Stiles looked at her like he always did, like she was the most precious, beautiful thing, that she was the only girl for him, and that he would love her forever. How could he, when she was the reason he was hurt, the reason why he was going to join the others? Maybe she should lie with him, and let herself go. It would be easier than being alone, and she also couldn’t deal with the fact that she wouldn’t see their faces again._

_ “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Sorry.” _

* * *

 

Lydia felt pressure on her arms, then on her cheek, and it confused her, Why would Stiles be touching her like this? Or was it someone else? Could it be that other side of her coming to get her now that her friends were all dead? She let out a small whimper, as she felt arms enclose her frame. She didn’t realize it, but she was shaking, as well as feeling something wet on her face.

“Wake up, Lydia. You’re having a nightmare. Come on.”

She heard a soothing voice, one she heard so many times before, it made her open her eyes with knit brows, and wonder why Stiles was in her room. He looked alive; concerned, but alive. He looked pretty good, if she had to be honest. His hair had that look to it that made it seem he had been combing his fingers through it, however as she looked at him, she felt instantly calm. She obvious was scared out of her mind, however she was glad that Stiles was here.

“Stiles. Why are you in my bedroom?”

“Uh, I came over to check up on you, and then I heard you screaming. Normal screaming.”

His hand moved to nervously scratch the back on his neck, and Lydia couldn’t help but raise her eyebrows. It was hard not to put the mask up, when she was frightened like this, she had been having dreams like this one, where people died, and she couldn’t stop it, or she killed the people cared about most. How could she tell one of her friends that she dreamed about murdering them? Except for the moment she began to cling to Stiles, she was afraid, and she didn’t want to be alone. She wanted to tell him that she was fine, however her hands gripping his shirt proved otherwise. He was also giving her a look that said that he wouldn’t let things slide this time.

“So you snuck up into my bedroom?”

“I climbed through the window, it was open.”

“Really.”

“Yes, now stop dodging, and tell me what’s going on.”

“Stiles...I’m….I don't know. I haven't been sleeping well.”

“I’m aware of that, Scott and Allison told me. What else, Lydia? You can tell me.”

“Nightmares, I am having nightmares. I don’t want to talk about them.”

Lydia pressed her lips together into a tight line, as she tried to keep the tears from falling, she didn’t want to cry, they were just dreams. She was tempted to ask about Scott and Allison, just to make sure they were okay, she needed to hear the sounds of their voices, but it must be late, which was why it was odd that Stiles was here in her room. She heard Stiles sigh to himself, then push his fingers through his hair. He looked a little bit tired, which made Lydia frown to herself. Before she thought of it, she pulled Stiles down to lie beside, and she pushed her face into  the crook of his neck.

“Hey, it’s going to be okay. They’re just bad dreams.”

“So, you’ll stay?”

“Always, Lyds. Call me, if you ever have bad dreams, or can’t sleep, I’ll come over. You can come to my house, if you want to as well. But you’re not alone, you’ll never be alone.”

“Thanks.”

“Promise me, okay?”

“Promise.”

She wasn’t sure what made her made the vow so quickly, maybe it was the way Stiles said those words, the way he made her feel safe, and warm, or how he kicked off his shoes, while making sure to keep her close as possible. There really wasn’t anyone else she would allow to do this with her, however there was something different about their relationship. Stiles wasn’t that dorky kid who chased after her, he was her friend now. They had some sort of connection.

Lydia moved away, so that Stiles could get out of his hoodie; he did always wear too many layers, and she thought that he would get uncomfortable during the night. She also made room for him in the bed, so that he could get under the covers. When they were both situated, they instantaneously got back into the position they were before, with Stiles’ arms around Lydia, and her face pressed into his neck. It was strange, but she felt herself drifting off, and she wasn’t afraid, she had Stiles here to anchor her, to keep her safe, and she was thankful to have him, also thankful that he had climbed up into her room.

“Goodnight, sleep well. Remember I’ll keep you safe.”

And with those words, Lydia fell asleep with Stiles keeping watch over her, until he knew for certain that she was resting easy. She knew that he was stay with her, as well as keep to his word, because no matter what happened, he would always be there for her. He also knew her better than anyone else, so when she lied about how she felt, he knew better. Now she could finally sleep knowing she’d be okay, as long as Stiles was there.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please forgive me for the late replies! I tried writing the next chapter, but my muse wasn't having it. If you'd like to give me a poke, or just say hi, then feel free to follow my Tumblr: ourbravelittleshank.tumblr.com

Finally, Lydia had a night of proper sleep, however seeing the body next to her made her feel strange. She was very used to waking up to guys lying beside her, but this one was different; she woke up to herself wrapped around his frame, and her head on his chest. It made her feel one way, except that her head told her to get away from the situation as fast as she could. He had helped her last night, but she didn’t want Stiles getting the wrong impression, that somehow this meant they more more than friends. She didn’t think she could be in a relationship, or have something that would end up complicated. She cared about Stiles, she cared about him more than she had ever cared for any guy, but Lydia felt like things weren’t in the right place in this moment. Or ever. She lived in Beacon Hills, things would never be right.

At least she didn't do anything stupid, like sleep with Stiles. That would have been horrible, and how would she explain to Stiles that it would have been a mistake? Not exactly a mistake, but this was her best friend, and he deserved to be with someone who could care, and love him with their entire being, like how Scott and Allison were. Lydia sighed to herself, as she untangled herself from the still sleeping form beside her; Stiles looked so peaceful when he slept, as well as innocent. His lashes rested against his cheek, while his chest rose and fell with each breath. His hair was tousled, however on him, it looked good. Lydia was pretty sure that Stiles could get away with anything, and still look like it suited him.

Lydia had to pull herself away before she woke him up, then she'd have to explain why she was looking at him as he slept. I was admiring you, Stiles. Noticing how cute you look when you sleep. She quietly moved off the bed to go shower, and make some food. That’s one thing she could do for Stiles, was make him brunch since he was nice enough to stay with her, and comfort her throughout the night. She didn’t know what she would have done, if he didn't show up, or ask about her, it was off to her, because she was so used to fending for herself, so when Stiles came into her room, she was relieved. She hadn’t felt that safe in a while, not since this whole thing started, and now that she thought about him leaving, it scared her more than she wanted to admit, except at the same time, she wanted to push Stiles away so he wouldn’t have to deal with this. How long would he stay? How long before he couldn't handle her, and leave. Just like every other person in her life.

She didn't want to think about that. because if Stiles did happen to catch her, then she would yet again have to explain herself, and she didn't really want to. Not right now, at least. She needed time to figure out what was happening to her, maybe she could go talk to Deaton, he was like a father figure to everyone. Except her pride got in the way, and she wanted to deal with this on her own, she also didn’t want to bother Deaton with her trivial problems. She was fully capable of doing this on her own.

Now though, she was going to shower then make both her, and Stiles something to eat before they went to school; that would be a perfect opportunity to pretend like nothing had happened, that she was perfectly okay now that she felt just a little bit better. Hopefully however, Stiles wouldn’t try to get her to confess too much more to him, because she already told him that she was having nightmares, and he would probably want to know what they were about, so they could figure out to stop them, or if they were an omen. How could she tell her friends, let alone Stiles that she had a dream about killing them, and about seeing them dead all around her. She still was scared, so she wanted to keep a lockdown on her emotions, before it tore her apart.

 

* * *

The morning didn’t go by with a stitch, it was easy to distract Stiles when there was food in front of him, and during the morning, he didn’t seem too talkative, he wasn’t much of a morning person. It could be that, or perhaps he was too busy plotting to get Lydia to tell him what was up, other than the nightmares, because he knew, he always did. It was both a blessing and a curse for Lydia, he was good at figuring things out, but when it came to her personally, she hated that he could look at her, and know for certain she was hiding something.

Luckily for her, Stiles had to take his Jeep to school, so she was able to avoid him for that period of time, and they also didn’t have every class together, so she could practice what she was going to say to him, as well as her friends. Allison she wasn’t really worried about, because she wouldn’t exactly say anything at first to her, she would probably look at her for a few moments, then wait until she felt it was the right moment. Too bad, there never would be one, she may be okay now, but what would happen tonight when she has to sleep alone? She wasn’t looking forward to that, however she had help in the form of little pills.

It’s not that she wasn’t thankful for Stiles’ help, she just didn’t want to rely on him to continuously aid her in sleeping, even if she promised him. It wasn’t fair to him, to have to do that. What if it happened every night, like it had been? What if she ended up not being able to ever sleep without his body next to hers? She didn’t want that, or perhaps she didn’t want what it came with. She already thought of him more than she probably should, but she was probably just lonely. Maybe after all these months of being partners in crime, she got attached to him, in a friendly way of course. That was the only way she felt about Stiles, and she would tell herself this for the rest of the day.

Even lunch wasn’t too bad, she smiled when she had to, responded when it was the right time, and did her best to fit in to the group. Nobody really asked her how she was doing because they probably figured she was better, that it was just a few crappy days, we all had those. She was good though at masking her emotions, and keeping things to herself, she didn’t say how the closer it got to the end of school, the more she became nervous, or she was worrying over sleeping. Also, that she was thinking about Stiles, and how she was already wanting him to fill that space in her bed, but also trying to fight it. Lydia had a storm raging on in her mind, however her face was a pleasant mask of pretty smiles. The only thing she didn’t have to worry about was her mother bothering her, she could lock herself in her room, and she wouldn’t even bother her.

Or maybe she could hide at Derek’s loft? Nobody would suspect her of being there, but the thing was getting past the grumpy werewolf. It wasn’t like she would get in his way, or be there very long. She wasn’t sure though, she did use him to resurrect his crazy uncle, but in her defense, she was possessed by Peter Hale. Oh, he would probably be there too; maybe she could ignore his presence. That would be hard though, considering when ignored, he made a bigger spectacle, but Derek would be there, so he would reign his uncle in. Hm, she really wasn’t too sure, because on one hand, she could be alone to stew in her misery, or she could be around two people who may, or may not care much about her presence, and even if Derek didn’t care much, perhaps he would appreciate her company.

Before she knew it, she was knocking on the sliding door separating her from the werewolf, she had to admit that she was a little nervous, she didn’t want Derek to be upset with her, even if he did have a valid reason to, it wasn’t exactly like she wanted to do those things to him, or bring back Peter. If she had a choice, she would have let Peter rot under the floorboards, in the Hale house.

“Lydia…?”

“I know you probably hate me, but this is the only place I could come to, I need a space where there is a person, but...not really.”

Derek’s eyebrows rose, as he studied her, she noted that his nostrils flared before moving to the side to let her into the loft. Maybe he could smell her anxiety, and was being nice to her, or maybe he wasn’t upset. No matter the reason, she was thankful that he did let her in, she could use the quiet of the loft to finish her homework, study, and possibly ask Derek if he knew anything. She really didn’t want to. except he seemed to know a lot of supernatural things, while she knew next to nothing, which was one thing that didn’t happen often.

“No, it’s fine. I'm not mad anymore.”

“Oh...good. Thanks.”

“So, what’s wrong? You reek of anxiety.”

“I was afraid that you wouldn't agree to me visiting.”

“Is that what this is?”

“Uh…can we say it is?”

Derek continued to cautiously watch Lydia with his lips a tight line, he wasn’t too sure if he should trust this girl, but he didn't feel like she meant any harm. She looked like she was dealing with something, however he wasn't too sure why she came here to his place. Everyone know how he didn’t really work well with others, but she was here now, doing her homework quietly on his couch, and there wasn’t really anything he could do. Plus, he understood her more than he let on, he’d seen that expression in the mirror many times before.


	6. Chapter 6

Lydia stayed with Derek for a few hours, and they actually got along fairly well. It was somewhat of a surprise to her, considering what she did to him, however he made sure to inform her that it wasn’t exactly her fault. Not that she didn’t feel some guilt over it, she did bring his psychotic uncle back from the dead, as well as drugging him to get to that point. Lydia was somewhat of a mean girl, but she wouldn’t do thing to other people that caused this amount of damage, she knew her limit. She also was becoming more of a better person with the help of her best friend Allison, and as much as she didn’t really want to admit it, Stiles helped too. Those were two people who knew her better than she knew herself, or at least did she did know herself before she lost the person she used to be.

She remembered back before high school when her sister warned her against people who would tear her down, because she wasn’t a popular girl, she was more nerdy, and was always showing off her intelligence. Nobody pays attention to the smart girls, her sister would tell her, so the summer before grade nine, she decided to change, so she would finally be noticed. She just wanted to have people finally see her, instead of always be pushed aside. It may have stemmed from her parents always forgetting about her, in lieu of fighting over pretty much everything, but she was determined to be popular, even if she had to give up a few things, like being incredibly smart.

“Hey, Lydia. Usually that’s how I look, you might have spent too much time with me.”

Her eyes landed on Derek, and she couldn’t help but smile at him. This was yet another thing that surprised her, the fact that Derek had a sense of humour, or the other fact that he was also smiling at her. He looked more relaxed then she ever seen him before, not that she spent a lot of time in his presence, but every time she had been around him, his expression had been more sour, and he looked like he would snap at any given moment.

"Wow, Derek. A joke, I think hell has just frozen over.”

Maybe he was trying to make her feel better, because it was Derek, and he seemed to know more than he let on, but there was something a little different with him. For a moment, she studied his features, while wondering if Stiles got in contact with him. How would he know if she was here though, did Derek tell him? She knew that Stiles would worry about her, and try to find her, so would he text Derek to see if he knew anything? She wanted to ask him, except she didn’t want to give much more away. Lydia was not about to talk about her feelings with Derek, of all people.

“Lydia….”

“Don’t.”

“I can smell your emotions.”

“I’m very aware of your supernatural abilities, thanks.”

Lydia stared at Derek, challenging him to continue with his trying to get her to share her troubles, she knew that he would return that challenge due to his werewolf traits, and she knew that she was no Alpha, so it may not even work. Derek knew better though, he knew not to push too far, because he knew what it was like to have a sister, even if she wasn’t around any longer. He wanted to help her though, he wanted to be able to have Lydia unburden the weight from her shoulders, since he knew what it was like to hold all that in. He had lost so much, and he was sure that Lydia came here, because she knew that. Who else could she take comfort in? Even if they weren’t really friends, but perhaps that was why she was here. He understood, yet they weren’t close enough for it to really make an impact.

“You know I won’t tell anyone, not even Stiles. But you have to talk to someone.”

She knew that she should, she did promise Stiles that she would go to him, however she just couldn’t. Was she breaking that promise to one of her closest friends, or could she ignore her problems, until they either destroyed her, or they went away? How was she supposed to tell Derek what was going on, when she wasn’t even sure herself, and not only that she wasn’t used to asking for help, except from Stiles. He wasn’t different from everyone else, because he never babied her, or tiptoed over her emotions, he always gave it to her straight. Maybe that’s why she was here with Derek, they were somewhat alike in many ways, other than the fact she may feel something more than just friendship with one of them.

Returning her gaze to Derek, his eyebrow was raised in question as he waited for her to say something to him. Lydia was part of the pack, so he would treat her like she was, he would be there for her, if she would let him be. They looked at each other for the longest time, their eyes not breaking contact until one of them looked away from the other. It was like they were trying to figure out if they could trust the other, to see if it would work, and the fact of Lydia feeling safe. It was Derek though, who would he really tell? Lydia was nervous about him sharing with Scott, who would tell Stiles. That’s all she needed, was another visit from him.

“Maybe I should go.”

“You’re insufferable, Lydia. You shouldn’t turn down what I’m offering to you, I don’t allow this to happen often.”

Lydia was the first to break the eye contact, she felt ashamed at her burning cheeks. Part of her did was to tell Derek everything, but she was obviously too choked up to let the words come out. She was just so tired of feeling like this, all the time, and she knew that she needed help.

“It’s not a big deal.”

“Then why are you here?”

“Because I didn’t think you would care that I was here, you don’t tend to….socialize much. And I need some quiet.”

“Well, it’s hard to concentrate on anything when you’re stinking up my loft.”

“Fine, Derek. I’m sorry, I’ll leave then.”

“No, Lydia. It’s too late, all I can smell is you, and so now you can explain why my things will have your scent all over them.”

Her eyes blinked a few times, she knew that Derek could smell her feelings, but she didn’t think it would make a lasting impression. She didn’t really think about it, she just rolled her eyes, while shrugging her shoulders nonchalantly. That would be juicy gossip, if she wasn’t so worried about someone else finding out about her possible banshee problems.

Lydia gave up, she told Derek everything, only because Derek wouldn’t tell anyone, as well as the fact that she unwittingly dragged him into her mess without meaning to. He ordered some take-out for them, and they spoke more in that time then they had in all the time Lydia knew about the supernatural. She found out more about the werewolf, which kind of made her feel a little better, since he wasn’t really one for sharing his emotions. She was glad though, perhaps she could visit Derek more often, he didn’t get many visitors, unless something was happening, or someone was trying to kill him. She still felt the weight of the losses of Boyd, and Erica, she felt their deaths even when she didn’t fully understand what was happening.

Derek’s face was something that would haunt her forever, he looked so broken, but luckily Stiles had been there. He was always there for everyone, even if he didn’t let anyone be there for him. That was one of the very many reason she had grown to care for Stiles, why she wasn’t against being his friend. Now maybe she could befriend Derek, for more than just supernatural purposes. He may not wear his heart on his sleeve, but there was something about him that Lydia liked, he was smart, he knew things, as well as the fact he was willing to help people, even after being knocked down so many times. And if Lydia was being honest with herself, he wasn’t that bad to look at either. She just grinned at him when his eyes narrowed at her, then gave him an innocent look.

After a while though, Lydia felt that pull begin, and she tried not to panic, however Derek was right beside her in an instant, his arms going around her petite frame. He asked her what was wrong, and she tried to explain it to him without sounding crazier than she already felt.

“Don't worry, Lydia. I’ll be here.”

Lydia couldn’t help but sigh, she shouldn’t be here, except Derek wouldn’t let her drive home in her state, so she ended up leaning her head against Derek’s shoulder, and for some reason she felt safe. Maybe contact kept the monsters away, maybe it was all in her head. She wasn’t too sure, but she felt herself being carried, then gently placed on a bed. She felt Derek as he left her, but she begged him to stay with her, she hated the fact that she did this twice already, except that the feat that overwhelmed her body caused her to reach out to Derek. She didn’t care, she just wanted another body beside her, even if it was Derek’s, and this could potentially get him in trouble. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr; ourbravelittleshank.tumblr.com


	7. Chapter 7

You would think that spending time with both Stiles, and Derek, she would have more appreciation for those people attempting to help her, but it was just the opposite, she avoided Stiles as much as possible, and kept her distance from Derek. She felt bad about doing so, because she promised Stiles that she would tell him if something was wrong, however she had ways to keep the darkness at bay, so technically nothing was wrong, right? She wasn’t having bad dreams, because she was relying on pills to help her sleep, which she knew wasn’t the smartest idea, but it kept the banshee side muted for long enough that she could kind of get a good night’s sleep.

It was getting harder, staying away from people that Lydia loved, and cared about. She couldn’t put Stiles in that category, because thinking about him in that way always made her chest tighten, she was always able to admit that she loved Jackson, but this was different. Stiles was special, and their connection was undeniable, except for where Lydia attempted to deny it. There were those moments when everything was still when she was near him, it was still when she was near Allison too, but that was more of a friend thing. She never really thought about Allison, the way she thought about Stiles. It was difficult to look at his face without thinking about what it would be like to kiss him again. She even found herself staring at his lips when they were speaking, it wasn’t like she had the distraction of those voices to use as an excuse.

That was why she had to keep away from Stiles, because she felt as if she would confess to him, then beg for him to come over, so she could nestle herself against his chest. Just the thought of his arms around her almost unraveled her, however she was well versed in art of wearing a carefully crafted mask. Feeling this way about Stiles made her feel weak, and she wouldn’t have that, she already was falling down a dark hole, all she needed was more reasons to stay in the darkness.

She also knew that Derek didn’t wish to get romantically involved with anyone, not that she would, considering the age difference between the two, however she was more than okay with being his friend. Derek, and her had an understand, even if she was still avoiding him as well. There were texts from her friends, that she didn’t reply to, she wasn’t too sure what to say to those people, and when they ask her, she tells them that she was studying. Nobody would question that, Lydia was immaculate when it came to her school work, there were days when she would do work for the next couple weeks.

Sighing to herself as her fingers trailed over the dusty wood, she traced a pattern, and thought to herself how she managed to get herself into this mess. She had begun to alienate her friends, the people she loved most, they were the ones who could be there for her when she needed them, however there was the urge to keep away for their sake, she didn’t wish to be a bother, or complain about her issues, because then they would become more real. All she wanted to do was ignore the problem until it went away, but the more she did that, the more it became more evident. The pills worked, distracting herself with one night stands worked, it was an excuse to have a body next to her without the complications of those pesky feelings.

She hoped that nobody would find her, but when you want something to happen it always goes in the opposite direction, and at first she thought that perhaps Stiles, or Allison would be the one who showed up, but to her surprise it was Derek. The look on his face showed the same one as hers; they were on friendly terms, friends even, however she assumed that he didn’t think that she would be sitting on the porch on his old house. Of course, Lydia became curious as to why Derek was slowly walking toward her, his gaze on her in a expression of concern, his eyebrows knit, and his lips in a thin line.

“Stiles is worried about you, I hope you know. You should probably see him, before he has some sort of attack.”

That was it. Derek didn’t scold her for not coming to him, or talking to someone, he just just stood in front of, looking down with those intense eyes, and crossing his arms across his chest. Lydia had to admit that it was somewhat of a distraction, sitting on the porch, looking up at Derek. She noticed his nostrils flare, as the frown deepened, which surprised her. She didn’t think someone could frown so hard.

“Your face will get stuck like that if you keep frowning that much.”

“Lydia, I’m being serious.”

“Obviously, you’re not capable of anything else.”

Before Lydia could stop, Derek’s arm reached up to claim hers, and he brought her up to him, so that their eyes were on the same level. He was used to Stiles being insolent, however these comments from Lydia were a little more than he could take. She was smarter than all of them, yet she wasn’t capable of expressing herself. It reminded him of himself, and they all knew how things turned out with him, he lived in his loft keeping the human race out, and he really didn’t have many people other than Peter, and he really didn’t count. He couldn’t trust that man as far as he could throw him. He saw the way Lydia’s eyes bore into his, challenging him in a way to continue, that she was used to this abuse from men, she did date that jock Jackson, who constantly did things like this to her.

Derek stared at her for a few more beats, before he managed to wrap both arms around her petite frame, and then started to soothe his hand over his curls. You could tell how much of a front Lydia was putting on by the tightness of her curls. The curlier, the more she was suffering. Derek sighed against the top of her head, as he tucked her into his body, he knew that perhaps all she needed was someone to show more than what they said, he wanted to be there for her, even if he was incapable of really saying certain things. He wanted to say the right thing to her, however the only thing he did was embrace her, and he wasn’t one to hug anyone, so Lydia should appreciate all that he was doing for her.

“Stop being a brat, Lydia.”

“It’s one of my very many talents.”

“Why are you even here? This was my house.”

“Didn’t think anyone would come here, it’s abandoned.”

Lydia blinked a few times against Derek’s chest, she wasn’t exactly used to this type of affection from anyone, especially from Derek. He was a sourwolf, as Stiles had said before, and this felt strange to her, even if she couldn’t stop the sudden warmth spreading all over her frame. It was prominent in her cheeks, and she almost laughed in spite of herself, Lydia was blushing at the contact between her, and Derek. How could she feel this pull to the older man, when she had one toward Stiles, she instinctively gravitated to him, but it seemed that no matter what she did, or tried to do, she always found herself in his presence. It seemed that this was happening with Derek too, but in a different way.

They were kindred souls, fighting to stay alive, trying to keep the wounds from re-opening, but then they ended up sewing themselves up. Lydia’s fingers grasped at the worn leather of Derek’s jacket,, and pushed her face into his chest to take in the now familiar scent of his cologne, and the woods. Thinking about Derek spray a scent on himself was amusing, but it comforted her to know that he was capable of such normal things, especially when that’s all she really wanted.

“How do you do this, Derek?”

“You should go to Stiles.”

“But I need to do this on my own, I can’t...I won’t use him, or anyone else as a crutch.”

“Are you scared?”

“I’m terrified.”

Against his better judgement, he took Lydia’s chin into his hand, then directed her gaze to fall onto his own; he, even though they didn’t get along much, knew that Stiles was what Lydia needed. Stiles was someone that she could lean on, they had done it so many times before, and it wasn’t hard to see the way they looked at each other, or the way that no matter what happened, they always ended back where the other one was. Derek knew though, that she was fighting it, perhaps because of what was happening, or the fact she didn’t want to deal with such intense emotions, but this was something she couldn’t deny any longer, because in the end, it wouldn’t end well for anyone.

“One day it will be too late, Lydia. And then you’ll regret it, you won’t want to live with that.”

Lydia’s lips curved down into a frown, because the thought of losing anyone she loved scared her, but losing Stiles, now that was something she couldn’t even fathom. Thinking about it made her realize something, something very important. And she knew she had to find him.

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

It wasn’t like Lydia was planning on ignoring everyone, it was just it wasn’t feeling too well, all she wanted to do was stay in bed, and sleep all day. Even if she wanted to move, her body protested at the thought of doing so. She had planned on going to Stiles, however an overpowering tightening of her chest overcame her, as well as the crippling fear that he would judge her, it was irrational to think that, she knew that, but it didn’t stop it from happening. Perhaps this was a side effect to all the pills she had been taking to help her sleep, or she wasn’t able to face Stiles in her state. She told Derek she would do, let him drive her home, even let him stay with her for a bit to make sure she was okay enough to be alone. It was embarrassing to have a babysitter, she also had to wait until he left to pop the medication, except she was paranoid that he already knew about it.

Derek was probably going to talk to Stiles again, tell him everything, and update him on her status. Too bad it wasn’t his business, she hoped that he told him to talk to her instead, so that she can figure out a way to worm around the promise she made to Stiles, although it was going to hard to fool Stiles, he wasn’t fooled by many things, especially when it came to her. Lydia even worried about Allison, and Scott, because she knew that her best friend would worry, and Scott would try his best to fix her to make Allison happy, as well as is unflinching ability to protect everyone in the pack. But what if she couldn’t be fixed, what if this was something that part of her abilities?

She felt like there was a fire in her chest, consuming her, and she was unable to put it out. The only time she was distracted from it was when she was on something, there were days when she would sneak into her mother’s cabinet, and drink a whole bottle of wine. She may not be a werewolf, or any kind of werecreature, but her tolerance was pretty extraordinary. It muted the voices, as well as those disturbing flashes of empty eyes, as well as boney fingers, those reaching to her, telling her to give in to them, to join them. Once she did, then there would be peace, she would be the queen of the underworld, and everything would be alright. Or maybe she was just so drunk that her imagination was getting away from her, because sometimes while she was on her throne, there were also flashes of amber coloured eyes, thawing  the ice in her heart.

“Lydia?”

“Hmm…?”

“Are you...what’s wrong?”

“I’m peachy, Ally. No worries.”

“We’re all worried about you.”

“Is that code for Stiles is worried, and is sending someone I won’t destroy?”

“No, it means you weren’t at school today, so I’m checking up on you, because you haven’t been talking to me. Scott is worried too.”

“Of course he is.”

“Lydia, you’re not acting like yourself.”

“What else is new.”

Lydia couldn’t help the acidic words from leaving her lips, she was just tired of people being worried about her, she didn’t want to talk about her feelings, or how she was in a constant state of drowning. She was waiting for that last moment where her body finally stopped fighting, and she could rest. She quickly glanced at Allison, who was standing in her bedroom with a frown on her face, she was trying to figure out what to do, and for a brief second, Lydia wished there were a different set of brown eyes looking at her.

“I’m sorry we don’t know how to help you, Lydia but you can’t hole yourself up in your room. Maybe Deaton can help, or Derek? I will even go to Peter, if I have to.”

“It’s Peter’s fault I’m like this, he ruined my life.”

She pushed her face into her pillow, and sighed heavily into the plush fabric. She missed the days when she ruled the halls of the school, with Jackson on her arm, however now he was off being a werewolf, enjoying his power, more than he enjoyed her. It was funny how she would shoo off copies of Jackson out her bedroom, then picture boys with warm honey eyes, and pale skin. Lydia absentmindedly rubbed her chest, where the storm brewed, then let out another sigh; maybe if she stayed quiet, Allison would go away, but she didn’t. She walked over, shucked off her boots, then crawled in to bed with Lydia. She felt her arms go around her frame, while she resting her head against her own; there was a slight feeling of comfort in it, but not enough to feel fully whole.

Allison even tried to run her fingers through her hair, whispering words of comfort, and love. It worked, Allison was her anchor, or so Lydia thought. She was her best friend, her only friend that didn’t try to get into her group just to usurp her position. Allison was secretly everything that she wished she could be, then maybe her parents would still be together, as well as the fact that she would have kept Jackson. Lydia was lucky though, to have a friend like Allison, a friend who wouldn’t give up on her, even when she tried to push her away.

“It’s only ruined if you let it be. Don’t let Peter win, imagine how insufferable he would be.”

“More insufferable, he thinks he’s the spark that lit my fire. He’s right in a sense.”

“What do you mean, Lyds?”

“There’s a fire in my chest, and I can’t put it out.”

Lydia turned to tuck her body into Allison’s, her head fitting perfectly under her chin. Her best friend was probably the only person she would ever do this with, she was the only person she let hold her, until everything was better. Or at least felt a little bit better than before. She would even die for Allison, would kill for her too, there was a fierce protective streak in Lydia, not that she really needed to protect Allison, she would take care of herself. She didn’t care though, there wasn’t anything she wouldn’t do for this girl, the only girl who could break past the make, and break down the walls she built.

“It’ll be okay, Lydia.”

“Everyone says that, then make me promise to come to them. Even Derek.”

“You, and Derek?”

“Not like that, Ally. He is a surprisingly good cuddler though, don’t tell anyone that.”

“I think I’ll be too shocked to say anything.”

It felt nice to laugh, she hadn’t laughed in quite some time, however as fast as it came it was gone. There still was the overwhelming sense of despair in her body, that she wasn’t going to get through this, and she felt herself sink further into Allison’s arms. She knew this wasn’t who she was, she was vibrant, and vivacious. She could come up with retorts, as quickly as she could solve an equation. It was frustrating how she felt this way, that she couldn’t stop it, or explain it, without an explanation of what was happening, she only felt helpless, and Lydia Martin did not to helpless.

“Thank you for checking up on me, Allison.”

“You’re my best friend, and I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“You should still talk to Stiles though.”

“I will, eventually. I am just trying to find the right moment.”

“Do it when you’re ready, Lyds. We may not be able to help, but we understand you need some time.”

“I’ll be okay eventually. I’ll figure it out, but for now can we just stop thinking?”

“Of course.”


	9. Chapter 9

Allison came, and went, but not before giving Lydia words of comfort, she also got her to promise to text, or call her if anything happened, and she tried her best to do what was asked of her, even if she knew that a part of her didn’t want to go to anyone. It was hard admitting that she needed help of any kind, she was never really used to people caring about her, in the way that her friends cared. It reminded her of the day she first told Allison they were be best friends, however she never expected her to become this person who she couldn’t see a life without.

Every breath was like sparks leaving the flames, it was like a piece of her was escaping through her mouth, and she didn’t know what to do. She figured if she held her breath, then she would stay whole, but it only made her head hurt. It was funny how she stayed in bed, wanting to see the people she loved, yet she had no energy to grab her phone, or go to their house. She wanted to leave the house, but she couldn’t, being around people right now wasn’t the best idea. People always looked at you when you were quiet, when you sat there watching everyone be happy, then they asked you what was wrong, why are you being such a downer? And you didn’t know how to explain to them that it felt like your world was falling around you. Perhaps that was why she was craving Stiles’ presence, he understood more than he let on, underneath the goofy exterior beat the heart of a battle scarred warrior.

Lydia let out another breath, it was the only way she knew that she was still alive, otherwise she would feel like she was becoming less of herself, and more of just a human shape in the clean, crisp sheets. She even tried burying herself under the blankets, because if she looked like she was sleeping, then maybe nobody would notice anything was off. Not that her mother would really see anything was up, she always took a sleeping pill before she went to bed, so she was out for the count, which made Lydia even more awake.

* * *

 

When morning came, her mother quickly checked in, then said goodbye before she left for work, all Lydia did was grumble out a few words, pretend she was getting out of bed, and then return to it. She had no plans on going to school, which she knew would mean that someone would come over to her place to see how she was doing. Maybe instead of going in the morning, she could go for lunch, as well as the rest of the day. At least then she would get a bit of sleep without missing too much of school, except the more she thought about it, the deeper she went under her covers, she wanted to go, however there was something holding her back; the thought of the warmth surrounding her, the fact people would be at school in crowds, actually having to put efforts into her appearance, as well as speaking to people without wanting to hide in her car, or the temptation of clinging to Stiles, and Allison.

That would be embarrassing, especially for her. At least, she thought it would be, but now she wasn’t so sure, the fact that she felt this way had confused her. Was it because of how she was currently feeling, or did she truly like Stiles? This wasn’t really something she wasn’t to dwell on, since she felt pain in her head, and her eyes were too heavy to keep open. Maybe it was the comfort of those amber eyes, with the way they could look dark one moment, then lighter the next. She thought of his fingers skimming over his face when he was nervous, or the way he kept mussing up his hair, and making it stick up even more than before. Every time she had gotten to this point, she always found herself thinking of Stiles, no matter what, and even as her fingers curled against the fabric of her pillow, she listened to the sound of his voice lulling her to sleep.

It seemed however, that sleep wasn’t in the plan, because after she finally fell asleep, she continued waking up, falling asleep, then waking up again. It was really getting irritating to her, however she was too tired to fight off the sleep, or get up to do something to keep herself awake, as well as the fact that she knew she had to get up for school in a short amount of time. But the more she willed herself to get up, she didn’t. She just stayed tucked underneath the sheets, in the safety of her bed, as she wished that this could finally be over. The were moments when the voices were tempting her, and she almost let me carry her off further into the darker, but at the same time she wanted to not be this way, to let the light back in. She just didn’t know how to go about doing so, everything was hard to focus on.

It made her angry that she was in this sort of mood, she wanted to get better, to be able to get out of bed. All she could think about was these furious thoughts at herself, questioning why she should feel this way, she had no reason to. It wasn’t like her mother was dead, her mother let her get away with a lot of things, and she wasn’t strict, but made sure that Lydia achieved all the things that she wanted, but were those things really what she wanted? Popularity wasn’t all that it’s cracked up to be, she knew that those girls weren’t really her friends, they just wanted the perks of being around the queen b. Everything was superficial, she knew that now, due to the people she now she spent her time with, she didn’t even think that she would ever be friends with these people; even Isaac was not her friend, and he asked her out.

Sometimes she wondered what would have happened if they went out on a date, would things be different? Would she have been with Isaac instead of Jackson, would she be friends with Scott, and Stiles? It always made her contemplate her actions, and whether or not they were the rights ones, however if she didn’t pick that, then she probably wouldn’t be the person she was today. So maybe she should tell Stiles about how she felt, before another girl came along, and she lost out on a good thing, unless of course that happened, and she could say yes to Isaac wanting to go on a date, if he still wanted to go on one. Lydia wanted to go on a date with Stiles though, so it was very important that she told him soon. Someone was bound to see how amazing he was soon enough.

Now Lydia was thinking about how she didn’t notice this before, how stupid she acted when she ignored Stiles. It wasn’t like it would have done her much harm if she did give him more than a few minutes of her time only because of Allison, perhaps it was really her best friend that got her to speak to him, because if they didn’t become friends, then she would be still pining after Jackson, she would have never realized she was better off without him. She also thought that she didn’t lower her standards when she became friends with these people, if anything, she couldn’t believe that they still wanted to be her friend, after she treated they unkindly. She was thankful for the pack, even Derek. So maybe she should stop trying to shut them out, and let them know what really was going on. She did tell Derek, Allison, and Stiles however she was still suffering, and she did need help, so she could always send them a text hoping that they would spend a little time with her until she felt well enough to return to school. This gave her the strength to reach over, to grab her phone, then scroll through the contacts to the one she was looking for.

“ _Don’t want to bother you, but can you come over, or we can go for coffee tomorrow?_ ”

“ _You’re never a bother, Lyds. Is everything okay?_ ”

“ _No, not really. That’s why I wanted to see you. You...help._ ”

“ _I’ll be over soon, don’t get out of bed. Have you eaten yet?_ ”

“ _Not yet_.”

“ _Lydia, you should really eat something._ ”

“ _Yeah, I will._ ”

“ _I’ll see you soon, okay?_ ”

“ _Okay. Thank you._ ”

“ _Anything for you, Lyds._ ”

Lydia already knew that Stiles wouldn’t believe her, because she had no will to leave her bed, however the thought of Stiles coming over made her want to get up to make them some food. When he came over, she would cook something for them to eat, she would figure it out when he got to her place, which wouldn’t too long, there wasn’t much school left. After placing her phone back onto her nightstand, she let out another sigh, rubbed her chest, then forced herself to get up, and shower. If her friend was coming over, she didn’t want to look gross; she felt nasty enough, so maybe taking a shower would also help get her back into a better place. It gave her an excuse to distract herself from the sudden nervous that came over her, she was anxious to see Stiles. That was a new feeling, not that she hadn’t felt like this before, however it was more intense than before, probably because she was finally accepting the fact that she had feelings for Stiles Stilinski. It had been a long time coming, and it made her feel just a little bit better, she had a new crush after Jackson, while she was dealing with this crap, so maybe she wasn’t as broken as she thought she was. On the contrary, the whiskey-eyed dork was possibly her salvation, the new person she would let see her scars, as well as share her dreams with. That was if things went well, and she didn’t scare him away with how she felt.


	10. Chapter 10

Lydia knew that she told Stiles she would eat something, and she did have something. If coffee counted as that something. It was just as soon as she finished it, she let out a sigh that lifted only the small amount of heaviness from her frame, but of course, as soon as she dropped her shoulders, it was back again. It felt like there was an invisible person pushing down on her body, making it impossible to do the simplest of tasks. She didn’t know why this was happening, and why it was was happening to her, all she knew was that she only had thoughts of crawling back into bed, and staying there for the rest of her life.

Once she was safely tucked under her blankets, she went through a plethora of emotions; anger, anxiety, and sadness. Why did she tell Stiles, or anyone for that matter? What could they really do to help her, they didn’t understand what she was going through. Now they knew more than they should, she let them in to see her at her most vulnerable, and they were going to think less of her. Lydia didn’t want to be treated like a delicate flower, she wanted to be left alone to stew in her misery, she was going to get over it eventually. That’s how it happened, she would be okay for a moment, promise to do something, and then flake out because she felt like garbage, which made her feel worse for not doing what she was supposed to, because this stupid feeling was draining her energy.

Now Stiles was probably on his way over to her house, with those big, warm amber eyes. The same ones that would stare at her with pity, or fret over her. She didn’t want someone to baby her, or tell her it will be alright eventually. She didn’t want to remember that this was the boy she probably had feelings for, and wanted to drown in the depths of those stupidly brown eyes of his, or his broad shoulders she could rest her head on, while his fingers went through her hair. She even wanted him to crawl into bed with her, and just wrap his arms around her, so she could press her ear to his chest. She knew something was wrong with her, but to like a dorky, spastic boy? Something was definitely wrong with her, he was her best friend. She didn’t want to ruin hat friendship, it was one of the good ones.

“Hey, Lydia?”

And that voice that was currently calling her name, she even liked the way it sounded coming from that mouth. She couldn’t help but let out a groan as she pushed her face into the plush fabric of her pillow. Lydia didn’t want to deal with this on top of everything else, but it was the only thing keeping her going, she felt that little inkling of fire in the put of her stomach. It warmed her for the first time in a while, when Stiles was away, she always felt this cold over her skin, and she actually craved his company. There were days when it scared her so much, that she just wanted to push him away, however she broke, she needed Stiles more than she would ever tell him. He was the only one who made the darkness disappear for the short amount of time they spent together.

“I brought you food, hope you like curly fries. I didn’t know what else to get you, and everyone likes curly fries. I don’t know who doesn’t. Got you some coffee too.”

“You didn’t have to, Stiles.”

“I’m aware of that, Lydia. But I know you.”

“If you did know me, you wouldn’t be here.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Look at me, who wants to put up with me when I’m like this?”

She heard Stiles sigh, then step closer to her bed, Lydia didn’t want to look up, because she was afraid of what she would do, or say. She was scared that if she looked up at Stiles, that it would be written all over her face, that she was trying to hold herself together, that she wanted to cry, that he was the only comfort she wanted right now, even if she knew that Allison could give it to her as well.

“You’re beautiful.”

“Stiles, don’t.”

“What do you want me to tell you? That you look like shit? That you smell worse than Scott’s socks after practice? Because you don’t, you will always be the most beautiful girl to me.”

“Shut up, I’m disgusting.”

Every time someone said a horrible thing about her Stiles would get this look over his face, his eyes would get a couple shades darker, and his lips would press together in a tight line then tremble with exertion not to tear the person apart.. He looked like he could murder anyone who dared slandered her name, or even threatened her, he would protect Lydia until his dying breath, so when he looked down at her with this look, mixed in with an expression that he didn’t know what to do, he sat down on top of the covers, and took her hand into his. His long fingers wrapped in a cocoon of warmth while he tried to figure out what to do next. It was obvious to Lydia, because she had seen this expression come over Stiles many times before, like he was trying to figure out a puzzle, how to put the pieces together in the best way possible.

“Guess you need a shower then, good thing I’m here to help you.”

“Don’t you dare, I’ll do it later.”

“I’ve already seen you naked once, so I’ve already seen all of that. Plus, I can change your sheets when your cleaning your disgusting self up.”

There was a half smirk playing on his lips, and a challenging gaze in his eyes. Stiles always made her want to fight back, he always made her want to slap him, and kiss him at the same time. She felt that same warmth spread through her body at the contact, as well as the way he pushed to her to want to do this simple thing on her own. It wasn’t that she cared if Stiles saw her naked, she wasn’t ashamed of her body, it was just if Stiles bathed her, then it would mean she was too helpless to even take a shower. It would make her feel like a child that needed to be coddled, however at the same time, she knew that she wasn’t really able to do more than get out of bed, and drink a cup of coffee, which didn’t stop her from getting back into bed to waste the day away worrying over those bad dreams she had about everyone she ever loved dying.

“You want to change my sheets, seriously?”

“I helped my mom sometimes.”

“Stiles…”

“Please, just let me help you.”

She couldn’t stop herself from staring up into Stiles’ eyes, he had this look on his face that made her want to give in, and she let out a sigh. There were moments when she said no to Stiles, except these weren’t one of those moments.

“Fine, but I'm showering on my own.”

“Shame, I was hoping to soap your back.”

“You wish.”

Even though she said that, there was a small smile on Lydia’s lips, she felt a little better, and when Stiles moved from his bed to place the food on her desk, she slowly got out of bed, to go to the washroom. She didn’t bother closing the door all the way, because if there was a guy she trusted more than anything it was Stiles, he knew he would busy himself with what he said he would do, and not risk her wrath, if he did try to sneak a peek.

“I do. Call me if you need me, okay? I’m not leaving unless you want me to.”

“Thanks.”

“Anything for you, Lyds. Now go shower, you actually do smell.”

Lydia rolled her eyes, and snorted. It gave her more of a reason to be clean, she didn’t want to be around someone when she probably smelled like death, so with a mock glare, she turned to go into her bath, to get herself presentable enough for the company that she had. 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgive me for taking forever, I haven't had much motivation to write, and please forgive me if this isn't the greatest.

Lydia Martin looked at herself in the mirror, her wet hair clinging to the side of her face, and neck, the fluffy robe she wore shrinking her small frame even more. She didn’t know why she was doing this, it was only her best friend sitting in her room, and everything between them was platonic, except perhaps Stiles’ feelings for her. Those were always more of wanting thing to be more than just friends, and maybe Lydia was understanding it, even if she pushed them aside. She wasn’t in the headspace to be thinking about boys, or anything other than getting somewhat better, so she can focus on school, as well not having to explain to her mother why she stayed in bed for a long time.

Her mother would never understand, she would probably give Lydia more pills to take, or tell her that Martin women didn’t show emotions, because then they get wrinkles, and you know how we feel about that. Sighing to herself, she then took in a breath of air, trying to convince herself that everything would be okay, that Stiles was here to help her, not to ogle her in her bathrobe. He wasn’t any of those previous guys she’s been with, where they didn’t even notice that look in her eyes when she told them to leave her house, or the pills she took before they left so she could finally get the sleep she so desperately wanted. A knock pulled her out of her thoughts, and the sound of a warm voice made her remember where she was.

“Hey, you okay? Need help with anything?”

“No, I’m okay. I’ll be out in a minute, thank you.”

“Okay.”

Pulling her robe tighter around herself, she finally left the comfort of the washroom, and looked at Stiles with a small smile. Her bed was perfectly made, which she had to admit surprised her a little bit, even her room was tidied up as well. It was a statement that her room had been messy, Lydia never let her bedroom get untidy, everything was perfectly organized, and put away in their respected place.

“Wow Stiles, didn’t know you had it in you.”

She watched as Stiles’ face flushed a little, and his mouth open, then close. She was only teasing him, as well as the fact that she enjoyed pulling reactions out of Stiles, he did always have the best ones. She was almost certain that he would start flailing too, however he just looked at her, the concern written all over his features. Usually, she would hate seeing someone look at her in that way, but she wasn’t really able to say anything, because it was Stiles. His eyes bore into hers, with such a warmth that made her skin tingle. Lydia had to look away from Stiles, she had to do something to distract her from actually feeling like he could be the one to make her feel like she didn’t want to break apart. She could do this on her own, just like she didn’t everything else.

“There’s a lot that would surprise you, Lydia.”

“Not sure about that, nothing really surprises me anymore.”

“There is probably something.”

When Lydia’s eyes landed on her bed, she noticed that there were pajamas on the blanket, not her usual slinky silk PJs, but the most comfortable looking ones she had. It was a long button-up shirt with matching pants with a cute pattern on then, Lydia wasn’t sure if she should be embarrassed that she owned something that, and Stiles saw them, or be thankful that he knew she needed something warm, and soft to comfort her, although she was half tempted to ask if she could borrow something of Stiles’, because she wasn’t fully calm unless he was close to her.

“Maybe there is, maybe there isn’t. You’ll never know.”

“I know you better than you think, Lyds.”

“Nobody really knows me.”

“Not true.”

Lydia gazed at Stiles for a moment before going to her underwear drawer, and pulling out the closet thing to her hand, she didn’t really care about what she wore, as long as it didn’t get in her way. She didn’t want to talk further about this topic, it was going to start the whole Stiles knowing her well, and then she would somehow blurt something stupid like how much she needed Stiles, or how much she wanted him to stay with her again. She already knew that Stiles would stay, however she wasn’t going to be the one to ask him to, so if he left her, she wouldn’t have to feel that sting of knowing he didn’t want to stay. Of course, she knew that was silly, Stiles wouldn’t abandon her unless he really had to, she didn’t know why she would even think something like that, they were best friends, and they would do anything for each other.

“Thanks for cleaning my room, I appreciate it.”

“Don’t forget bringing you amazing food. You should eat it.”

“Yes, okay.”

“I’m serious, when’s the last time you ate an actual meal?”

“I don’t know.”

Stiles didn’t waste another moment, he was behind Lydia, gently pushing her toward the bag of food he brought her, then sat her down. He didn’t try to sneak a peek of her, he just looked at her with a serious expression on his face, then looked at the food as if he expected her to consume it. After that he sat on her bed, with his arms crossed over his chest, and she had to remember not to get distracted at the sight in front of her, also not to blush at his gaze on her in just a fluffy robe.

“I’m going to watch you until you eat everything.”

“You’re a pain in my ass, Stiles.”

“A concerned pain in your ass.”

Stiles flashed her a grin that warmed her, and she couldn’t help but roll her eyes at him, while her own lips twitched; she wasn’t really capable of pretending to be upset at Stiles, not when he was sitting there looking like his father when he was worried about his son, which was usually often, considering the amount of times he got into trouble.

“You brought me curly fries.”

“Everyone likes curly fries!”

“I am not everyone, Stiles.”

“No, you’re not.”

Lydia felt a flush move up her neck, as they locked gazes, it was something they had started doing recently. It was like they were communicating without words, that she was looking at this boy that not long ago was just a puppy who followed her around. Now though, things were different, they were really good friends, perhaps even more. And even though she made a face at the food, she started eating it only because Stiles brought it, and he thought about bringing her food when he came over. Of course he would know better than to listen to her when she said that she already eaten, he knew her more than anyone else did, and it frightened her a little. What happens if he sees her in this state, and then decides to leave her? She wanted to be better, however it was hard when these supernatural powers were confusing to her, and trying to take her down.

She couldn’t help but duck her head to look at the ground, she wasn’t capable of handling these feelings she was hiding from her best friend, this was nothing like how she felt for Jackson, it was lust mistaken for love. It was wanting to have the hottest guy on her arm, and rise to the top of the social ladder, Lydia always had to be on top.

“Thanks for bringing me this, and thank you for everything.”

“Like I said before, Lyds. Anything for you.”

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please forgive my horribly late chapter! I'm really crap at this whole updating at a decent time. I also hope that it didn't suck too much.

Having Stiles over at her house helped immensely, but she knew that her feeling any positive emotion wouldn’t last very long, if at all. She told Derek that she wasn’t going to use Stiles as a distraction, or lean too heavily on him, and that’s exactly what she was now doing. Every moment she felt anything other than happiness, she had to stop herself from reaching over to her phone, or clinging to Stiles’ frame like some damsel in distress. On top of that, she had to deal with these feelings she had, were they genuine, or did they manifest because of what was happening to her? She didn’t want to hurt Stiles in anyway, so she tried to keep things light with him, even if she felt like death. That was a funny thought to have, would Lydia scream for her own death? Would it start, and then stop due to her dying? It was strange to think about, but she couldn’t help but dwell on the thought of what would happen to her.

She also didn’t wish to think about what would happen to her friend, when and if something like this ever did happen, because those words Stiles had said so long ago, or what felt like ages ago, stuck with her. They would go out of their minds, just like she was now, and it wasn’t like she would be around to help them out. That thought alone would cause her to spiral, so instead of continuing the thought process she sent a little text to Allison to tell her that she loved her. It was funny how you could appreciate life when thinking about death, and it wasn’t like she really wanted to explain what was happening when she was around the werewolves, because they knew when she was lying. Scott would look at her with puppy eyes, but Isaac would make some sarcastic comment about how she smelled weird, she didn’t really want to share with him the reason why.

At the same time however, Isaac knew quite a lot about stuff like this, apart from the banshee business. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to have a larger group of people to catch her when she fell, or when she ended up places that she had no idea about going to, although Stiles did have priority on that the whole finding a dead body thing. She only hoped that she didn’t end up someplace that she couldn’t be found, that was all she needed, to be alone in a dark place with nobody to help her.

“Want to come over later to study?”

Allison’s voice had woke her from her thoughts, and the smile automatically shifted into place on her face. The fact that she was just thinking about her best friend, and she spoke to her was something that made her feel a little better. She felt like they had some sort of connection to each other, that somehow they knew how the other was feeling, or that something was needed, but that was just how people who had been best friends tended to act after a while of friendship, which she was glad for. She was finally glad to have a friend like Allison, a person that she could share her secrets, and go shopping with, or watch cheesy films while having a girl’s night in, however a little boy talk always did manage to slip in there once in a while.

“Sure. After school?”

“Yeah, Scott, and Stiles will be there too. Hope that’s okay.”

“Of course, it’s fine.”

Allison watched her closely to gauge any sort of reaction from her, except Lydia tried not to seem more interested than she really was. This whole possibly liking Stiles thing wasn’t something she really wanted to talk about, if she even liked him like that. She still wasn’t exactly sure what was happening, the only thing she knew was that she looked at Stiles differently. She stared at him a little longer, and touched him in such a way that was friendly enough, but had an underlying feel of something more. Of course that could be yet another thing that was all in Lydia’s head.

“You sure?”

“Yes, Allison. It would be nice to hang out together.”

“Okay, as long as you’re sure.”

“I am sure, trust me.”

* * *

After school was over, she told Allison that she would meet her at her house for their study group. She wanted to shower, change, as well as prepare herself for seeing both Stiles, and Scott, but mostly Stiles. She didn’t want anyone to pick up any changes in her behaviour toward him, because then it would further complicate something that was already tangled enough as it was. It would be hard though, Stiles would be right there beside her, his gaze on her, and she would have to see the colour of his eyes. The colour which she thought about more than she would like to admit. Also, the broad expanse of his shoulder were very impressive, she could probably comfortably sit on them, and be fine.

How did Lydia not notice this things before? When they first crossed paths, Stiles looked more baby-faced, however now, he had grown more into himself, and she had to admit that she was enjoying what she saw. She guessed that when you finally stop ignoring someone, you get to see what you’ve been missing, not that she felt like she deserved what Stiles did for her, all she ever did was brush him off, like he wasn’t a blimp on her radar. Maybe it was because she didn’t want to get involved with someone who wasn’t exactly in the popular crowd, it would diminish her status, and that was all she had at that time. She was lucky though, that he never gave up on her, because he was a really good friend, one that she was thankful to have. Without Stiles, she didn’t really know what have happened to her, especially when she found a dead body.

She would still have Allison, she was also a reason why she had changed, and it was also Allison who showed Stiles to her. She dated Scott who was Stiles’ best friend, so perhaps in the end, all of this was meant to be. It was odd how things ended up working out, considering without her friends, things would be drastically different. Maybe she would have succumbed to the darkness that was currently plaguing her.

Lydia stopped for a moment, then looked around, for some weird reason, she had this feeling that she just had to inspect her surroundings. She also felt that nagging feeling deep within her gut, the one that told her that something bad was about to happen. She wanted to call out to see if anyone was out there, but wasn’t that how the dumb person in the movies ended up getting hacked up into bits, then tossed into a body of water? No, she wasn’t going to say a word, she would just continue on her way to where she was going, and keep quiet. She really did enjoy living, apart from the whole banshee thing, even still, that could be used to help the people cared about, as well as anyone else who needed it. Lydia wanted to be a good guy, and she wanted to be around good people.

So why did everything feel so bad? The feeling of something snaking up her body was beginning to get stronger, the itch in her throat was almost unbearable, as well as the fact she felt the darkness creeping into her pores. She was sure that she could hear a distant ringing, it sounded like she knew it, however she was unable to reach out to find what it was, and didn’t she have some place to be? She knew she did, however the one thought was pressing into her mind, whispering to her, telling her where she should go. This moment was one that was to be expected, Lydia was in a dark place, and she knew that she was going to have thoughts that would frighten her, and she knew that she could easily go to Allison’s house so that she could sleepover with her best friend. She would go to Stiles’ house, but that wouldn’t looks so good to his father, he did have enough to worry about.

More thoughts swirled inside of Lydia’s mind, continuing to coax her forward, her shoes were the only thing making a sound. The darkness felt like a blanket surrounding her body, yet she felt cold at the same time, and the whispers were quiet in her mind, until the moment she arrived somewhere, her feet stopping their movement. Why was she stopping in some random place, she was supposed to be at Allison’s house, she could have sworn that she turned on her street, yet it seemed that she was in a totally different location, where the lights were dimmed, and she couldn’t exactly see where she was. There was enough light though, that she could make out objects, so she wouldn’t trip over herself, and break her ankle, or possibly her neck. That would be hilarious, she would die trying to get to a study group.

Lydia let out an irritated sigh, took out her phone, and then finally tripped over something. Lucky enough for her, she was able to get her flashlight on in time to make out what exactly she almost broke a bone for, but before her brain could fully register what was going on, those feelings she kept bottling up, came out of her like a wail in the night. Lydia screamed the moment her gaze connected with the one that looked up her with a cold dead stare, like the person was trying to suck her in.

Now she understood what had happened, she now knew that she had to call Stiles to report her findings to him, so he could tell his father, but before she could do that she had to stop the screaming.


End file.
